


“why are you asking me?”

by transzoemurphy



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Cognitive Distortions, I suppose, Lowercase, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of homophobia, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oneshot, WOW THIS GOT DARK LMAO OOPS, broken arm, catastrophizing, h slur, homophobia mentions, im........... why do i make myself cry, it’s…it’s texas, like… jared calm down ur ok, self hating thoughts, self hatred, this Is based off my text post thanks 4 asking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 03:45:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16054859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transzoemurphy/pseuds/transzoemurphy
Summary: why didn’t jared just sign evan’s cast?





	“why are you asking me?”

**Author's Note:**

> petition to change the christian torah (“bible”) to just this fic

 

“hey, would you, um, do you want to sign my cast?”

jared stalls, like he does. “why are you asking me?”

_why are you asking me? there are a million reasons you should leave me_.

he imagines what could happen if he says yes. he walks over to evan, bridges the gap he’s built between them, and takes the sharpie from his hand, their fingers brushing.

evan’s arm is broken, so he’d have to hold it still as he wrote as to not hurt the other boy, meaning he’d be touching evan. _he’d be touching evan_.

the idea is terrifying - the idea is electrifying. 

and he’d sign his name on evan’s cast. to reach his cast well enough he’d have to be right next to evan, and the thought is purgatory; simultaneously heaven and hell. standing right next to him, breathing the same air, existing in the same dimension.

so he scrawls his name on evan’s cast and then what happens? everyone sees his name on evan’s cast. will anyone else sign it? because if they don’t, it’ll only highlight that there’s only one signature there and it’s jared’s. 

and then the teasing will start. ‘are you guys _daaaaating_ ,’ ‘oh, you signed your boyfriend’s cast, how sweet,’ and the occasional ‘homo’ shouted at him from across the hallway. people will assume things, and he’ll be outed to his parents, and then his dad will kick him out of the house and he’ll have nowhere to stay and evan, being the selfless motherfucker he is, will offer his home, and jared, being the self _ish_ motherfucker he is, will say yes. and then he’ll sleep in the same house as evan every night, and his self control is _not_ that great. and he’ll fuck up his friendship with evan and the only good thing left in his life will be gone.

“well i just thought - because we’re friends-”

_for now_! one day evan will realise jared’s a selfish gay loser with nothing going for him and he’ll leave - like he should, because he’s toxic and selfish and cruel.

“we’re family friends,” he says, and he hates himself, “that’s like a whole different thing, and you know it.” he hates himself so much. “hey, tell your mom to tell my mom i was nice to you,” he’s the worst person on this earth, “or else my parents won’t pay for my car insurance.”

this is a lie - his parents legally have to pay for his car insurance, but he has to pay them back. he’s always doing odd but horrible jobs for far less than he deserves to be able to pay for gas money.

and connor murphy walks by, and all jared can see is what would have happened if he’d signed evan’s cast - connor would 100% be one of the guys calling him a homo from across the room; for god’s sake, he’d thrown a printer at his teacher in second grade. and he needs to take his anger out on someone, and he can’t exactly take it out on himself, and connor’s _right there_.

“hey connor, lovin’ the new hair length, very, uh, school shooter chic!”

maybe - hopefully - connor will beat him up.

honestly, it’s what he deserves.


End file.
